Feeling lost

 growing up I never let my emotions shown to anybody. I don't know, its just that each of my family members were doing that. We never said about love each other we rarely hugged each other, or never as I remembered. Let alone kisses, we never thought of that. We don't even cry in front of each other especially when watching sad dramas/ movies. We were going to mock each other if someone cried watching sad scenes.

it might contribute to what i am facing right now, i dont know how to tell others that I love or miss them. maybe my love language is not on showing affections. even when feeling down, we never talked about it. we just ignore it.

and now i’m feeling sad, but i dont know why & dont know how to tell anybody. the worst part is i dont have anyone to talk to, with me being not able to tell others that i need them or value them. i tend to push everyone near me. that might explain why i am still single now, at my age of 33 this year. it is not that there is nobody tried to approach me, the problem is me. i just seem cant imagine loving other people without emotions.  i just dont want my significant other doesn't feel like he’s not being loved, being with me. it is gonna hurt him or both of us. 

i know people will said ‘what hurt u so much’, ‘u have it better than anyone’, ‘ u dont have any problems’. the only problem i faced right now is, i dont know which direction should i go to. i am jobless, with no side income, no partner. i dont know what is gonna happen to my life. feel like i’m lost & my life shattered. i’m not going to say that i regretted my decision to resign from my job, i’m not. actually. i am just dont know what should i do right now. i dont like my previous jobs, but i dont know where should i go to. i dont have any talents, any passion, any hobbies like others. am i broken? am i not human enough? what am i?

Jobless

 Today 15th May 2023 marked the first day of me being jobless since my last day working was on last Friday. Being in new company for about 7 months, really drained me out & I’ve resigned without any jobs lineup. It was a big decision & might change my life forever. 

Today I was sitting & thinking what should I do with my life & worry about my future. 

I am not blaming anyone or regretting my decision to change to new company because i’ve been wanting to remove myself from the environment that require me to answer customers via whatsapp. Haha its funny rite. But i dont know why i do feel anxious whenever i received texts from customers & calls from them. Its funnier when you have been working as customer service for more than 9 years. This has become worst after pandemic. I dont know why, but i do really hate answering customers. Just when i thought it will be better if i change company, but i did worst. This kind of jobs doesnt suit me anymore. I just wanna change.

I know doing customer service doesn’t bring the best out of me. i always know i can do better than this. But i dont know what it is or how.  I really hope that this decision can be a stepping stone for me to learn a lesson, new skills & improve myself. 

I'm a failure

I always want to write. But most of the time i will always write only in my mind.

I want to write about how i miss my mother, how i feel like I'm a failure, how do I hate my job,,bla bla blaa.. I do hate my job, since long time ago and until this very day. But i don't have the nerve to change to other company. I just don't know. I do not want this kind of same career. I just wanna work, but different career. But what kind of job i need. I don't know.. 😢

Can i still change my career. I don't have skills most people have. I don't have anything i should have. 😞

closed door

have u  ever closed the door tightly. and suddenly someone that make you close the door, came and knocked on the door.
but you know that you shouldn't let the person in, u clearly know what is going to happen next.
but you still let him in.
u know it's going to hurt not only yourself, but others too. but u still do it.

have u ever feel like you hate everyone. everyone is getting on your nerves that day. you feel like you wanted to be alone, play the music loud. not talking to anyone.
because everyone is so hateful. everyone is being so idiot.
i post something about dealing with stupid people on my status today.
my old friend, texted me, she faced the same thing. she let it out to her boss. the boss advise to read the holy Quran. her boss is not Muslim. but she believes that there must be some pages on Quran or holy book that will calm our heart. what a great advise that we got today.
we have to balance back everything in our life, not only adding knowledge, but we must nurture our relationship with Allah, next will be humans and the other living things.
think about the value of what we have lost all this while....

Travel.

People travel everywhere. But; why they are travelling, where they are travelling, what they are searching for, how they are travelling is much different from each other. 

For me, it is not about chasing for low fare tickets, not for the sake of taking photos & telling people, I went to this & that place. Not for just enjoying the foods & shopping for souvenirs.  

I want to travel & go to the place that I always dream of. I want to learn the culture. I want to know if the reality is the same as what I always saw on the screen & the truth on the bad stories that I heard of. Regardless how far the place is, how much I need to spend on, or how long i need to wait for. 

For me travel must worth my time, my money. 

The priceless experience that I will get from the trip; is what I thirst for. 

Vietnamese Spring Roll- first try

nampak sedap x? inila vietnamese spring roll, 1st try..

semua disebabkan terpengaruh dengan post2 kat insta & facebook..me n sis pun try sbb nmpak mcm sedap, n trust me, it really is DELICIOUS.. sebab tu nak post kat sini, walaupun da few days buat. sebab teringat pasal makanan ni. 

simple je nak buat popia vietnam ni, yang penting ada rice paper tu. utk inti kat dlm tu bole isi apa2 je ikut selera masing2..utk kali ni, isi dalam tu ktorg guna:

udang

isi ketam

daun salad (lettuce)

soohun

tapi... kalau nak lagi sedap, kena la cicah dgn sos nya.. klau nak senang pakai je sos cili thai. tp haritu xde sos cili thai, jd kena buat sos sndri.. resepi sendiri je:

cili blender

bawang putih

gula perang

air

sos cili

kacang tanah hancur

selamat menjamu selera... :)

Politik. Politik. Politik

Politik. Sejak zaman semua org da ada fb ni, politik je la kat laman fb. Sampai negara sendiri kena musibah pun, masih nk berpolitik. Tak faham dgn sesetengah masyarakat negara ni. Kenapa harus menuding jari sesama sendiri, xboleh ke sama2 membantu org yg dlm kesusahan tu. Masalahya, mangsa xbising, ni org yg duk ngadap fb 24jam ni yg duk post mcm2. Xtahu betul ke x crita tu, fitnah ke apa, main post je kat fb. Tmbh pulak dgn maki hamun. Hurm, malu dgn negara luar.

sedikit tips pemakanan sihat..

bru lpas tgk rncgn apa kata wanita kat tv1.. hurm, tu la channel ade berpuluh-puluh, tp xde rncgn yg mnarik.. yg ade pn dok ulang smpai beribu kali.
nsib baik rncgn ni ade tips diet...hoho

tips pemakanan sihat (bole kurgkan brt badan):
1. makan epal (buah lain pn bole kot) sejam sebelum makan, setiap hari
2. makan setiap 4 jam skali, tetapi dlm portion yg sdikit setiap kali mkn
3. bahagikan pinggan mkn kpd 4 bahagian:-
    - 1bahgian utk nasi
    - 1bahgian utk protein (ikan, daging, dll..)
    - 1bahgian utk sayuran
    - 1bahgian lg utk buah-buahan

harap2 bole amalkan cara pemakanan ni utk diri sendiri..
fighting!!!

bilik tidur idaman..

first experience..

baru2 ni, aku tertinggal bas.. and yes, ia pertama kali..

aku tak tahu haritu hari malang aku ke ape, tp time tu jugak lah kaunter bas tu punye talipon rosak..

jadi mase aku tggu tu, igtkn bas belum sampai..tggu lah smpai 2 jam kat situ..

naseb baek lah ade kawan yg temankan. tak tahu lah pe nk jadi kalau sorg2 masetu..

n then, rase cm ade yg x kene, msetu dah pun pkul 1, ktorg tggu dr kul 11.10 pagi kot.

pe lagi trus la g kuantan, nk p tnye kaunter tket bas tu, my fren, and his fren drove me there.. 

n abg kaunter tu pn kate la, bas da lalu pkul 11 da adik.. adik terlepas la tu.. 

yup mmg btol, aku smpai kul 11.05 n bas tu smpai kul 11.

xtaw lah knpe haritu ttbe rse nk kuar lmbt dr u, slalu aku kuar awl, mybe its called  'takdir'..

n, there's no other choice, i bought a ticket at 4.30pm..

but that time baru pukul 2.. so, we had lunch and made a little tour kat ecm, smpai kaki xlrt jln dah..

then tepat pukul 4.30pm dah ade kat bas dah, tkut tertggl lg kali ke2, xtaw nk wat cmne nnt..huhu

after that, masa arrived kat segamat, i need to get on another bus going to jb..

when i bought the ticket earlier, bro tu kate bas akan berhenti kat ayer hitam, but when i asked pakcik drebar tu "eh, mana ade. x lalu pun situ"..terkejut gak la, rse cm nk ngis..blur jap. then abg kaunter suh trun yong peng, nsib bek pakcik drebar nk brenti situ..

called my mum, die xbiase jln yong peng..asked my father, he's on his way to rengit, b.p..

but my mum tried her best, tanye org dkt2 situ..seb bek jumpe..dahla malam, hujan pulak tu.

this was really my first experience, and its really not a good one.

but, within this day i realised so many things, i have such great friends, and a great mother.

and i love them so much..and i'm really sorry for being such a burden to them. i'm so grateful to God to bless me with these people..

oh, emo jap..sob3..*teardrops....

mengidam..

di saat2 study week, mmg xde selera sgt nk mkn nasi, dan2 mengidam mkn mnde2 nih...besnye kalau kedai kat sebelah bilik je..

xkire, balik ni mknn2 ni wajib dimakan..wuahaha..

paling xsabar skali nk mkn epok2 resipi mak..wargh..laparnye..surrrppp..very mouth-watering..

credit to pakcik google for the images..

selamat tinggal..~

Selamat tinggal kawanku

Tak mudah aku pergi

Bila wajahmu

Sentiasa di hati ini

Ok dah memang

Bukan mudah untuk ku menerima hakikat

Dalam hidup ini sentiasa ku tersekat

Apa yang ku harapkan

Kasih sayang yang suci murni

Tetapi semuanya hilang setelah kau pergi

Dulu hari-hari ku berwarna warni

Kini kian mendung

Ia tinggal satu memori

Jangan jangan lepaskan genggamanku ini

Hidupku hanya bermakna jika kau di sini

Mana janji mana erti

Kenapa gembiraku kini menjadi sepi

Musnah segala apa yang ku impikan

Tetapi ku tetap tabah

Kerana Tuhan yang menentukan

Kau tetap pergi apakan daya

Walaupun ku telah mencuba sedaya upaya

Ku harapkan ini sesuatu yang kekal

Namun ku terpaksa melepaskanmu baby

Selamat tinggal

Selamat tinggal kawanku

Tak mudah aku pergi

Bila wajahmu

Sentiasa di hati ini

Tiada ertinya kau tinggalkan aku

Sedangkan teramat ku mengasihi dirimu

Cuba ingat semua yang kita pernah lalui

Sayang bukalah fikiranmu kembali

Ku tak mahu hidup tanpamu di sisi

Hanya kau seorang yang pernah aku kasihi

Jangan pergi jangan pergi

Jangan tinggalkan aku begini

Jika aku yang engkau cintai

Kenapa semua ini

Kenapa semua ini

Mengapa semua ini

Jika aku yang kau cinta

Mengapa semua ini

Kenapa semua jadi begini

Kenapa mengapa

Jangan pergi jangan pergi

Jangan tinggalkan aku begini

Selamat tinggal kawanku (usah pergi)

Tak mudah aku pergi (jangan biarkan ku menderita)

Bila wajahmu

Sentiasa di hati ini (aku sentiasa di dalam dada kamu sayang)

Walau ku pergi sayangku ( usah pergi)

Dalam jiwaku ini

Kaulah cintaku yang kekal

Selamat tinggal

perkara yang tidak disukai tentang lelaki..

1. pemalas
2. kedekut
3.pentingkan diri
4.suka menasihat
5.perasan bagus

*to be continued..

dedicated to all of my friends..

If you ever find yourself stuck in the middle of the sea
I'll sail the world to find you
If you ever find yourself lost in the dark and you can't see
I'll be the light to guide you

Find out what we're made of
What we are called to help our friends in need

You can count on me like one, two, three
I'll be there and I know when I need it
I can count on you like four, three, two
And you'll be there 'cause that's what friends
Are supposed to do, oh yeah, ooh, ooh

If you toss and you turn and you just can't fall asleep
I'll sing a song beside you
And if you ever forget how much you really mean to me
Everyday I will remind you

Find out what we're made of
What we are called to help our friends in need

You can count on me like one, two, three
I'll be there and I know when I need it
I can count on you like four, three, two
And you'll be there 'cause that's what friends
Are supposed to do, oh yeah, ooh, ooh, yeah, yeah

You'll always have my shoulder when you cry
I'll never let go, never say goodbye

You can count on me like one, two, three
I'll be there and I know when I need it
I can count on you like four, three, two
And you'll be there 'cause that's what friends
Are supposed to do, oh yeah, ooh, ooh

You can count on me 'cause I can count on you


BRUNO MARS-COUNT ON ME


credits to:http://www.elyricsworld.com/count_on_me_lyrics_bruno_mars.html

this is naqib..

formspring.me

Ask me anything http://www.formspring.me/norhazirahahmad

formspring.me

Ask me anything http://www.formspring.me/norhazirahahmad

entry RINGKAS..

motip aku wat entry ringkas??
sbb nak mintak maap kat sape2 yang aku ada wat silap..
jika aku ada melebihkan apa2 yang melebihi apa yang patut dilebihkan..
dan jika aku ada mengurangkan apa2 yang melebihi apa yang patut dikurangkan..
maaf juga jika ada mengguris hati dan perasaan..
maaf, maaf, maaf...

motip mintak maap?
saje je..eheh..

it's called satisfaction..

ahaha..hari tu, 10sept 2011..
sekali lagi aku pegi 'menyopping' dgn mak aku..
agak sakan jugaklah g shopping aritu, tp ktorg x shopping kat pasaraya sakan mase tu..
ktorg g kluang mall, nk cari brg2 blk ump..
dan brg yg pling penting untuk aku, sudah semestinya lah...jeng..jeng..jeng...

cantik tak? cantik tak? harussslah cantik kan.. semua barang hello kitty mestila cantik..

sape berani cakap tak cantik...

(sila abaikan alas meja yang tidak berapa menarik hati itu, sebab tu bukan taste aku ye. tapi aku terima je dengan redha dan memandang hanya dengan sebelah mata kerana student lepas telah pun selamat membalut meja itu dengan begitu kemas sekali....jadi sayang kalau nak cabut..eheh)